Thursday, February 28, 2013

Do you ever

feel like your dreams are ALWAYS put on hold? 
The dream I have always had was shattered back in August 2004.  That is the day that my divorce became final from the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. The love of my life and father to my children.  I  was a young bride of 17 back in 1982, and only dreamed of our future together.  I felt we had a good life together ahead of us. The military wasn’t part of that dream.  But I went along and made a home at every “base” along the way. After traveling the globe with him as he served in the US Navy, we finally retired in 2002 I thought our dreams would finally happen, sooner than later.  Our dream had always been to get back closer to family and I would finally be able to get that HOME, I so longed for after years and years of waiting and military housing, filling it with grandchildren and lots of memories.
But something changed.  My world as I knew it was over that day.
Fast forwarding a bit, through many hurdles and heartbreak I found myself struggling and confused.  I was a grown woman with no skills unless you count motherhood, I was a SAHM.  Which I had proudly been for all those years.  Raising three beautiful children. But my concern was how will I take care of myself.  I felt unloved and rejected.   I had many bitter and angry feelings towards myself and played the blame game.  Blaming myself.  Wondering why I wasn’t enough, and why didn’t I matter enough to try?  How he could throw everything we were together and been through together away?  Why she got his best years and I had the struggling ones?   I wanted my life back.  But he didn’t want me, did he ever love or want  me, really? (I really don’t think I could stand to hear the answer to that question even today)
Then on New Years Eve of 2005 my now husband asked me to marry him(I was in no hurry to rush into anything)  and through all that time I still questioned and wondered if I would ever be able to build my dreams with someone else. Memories, grandchildren and a home.  In 2008 we married.  In April we will have been married 5 years, and still waiting on some of those dreams.
In the last year, we finally moved closer to family a dream fulfilled(although all six of our children-his three, my three) are all over the map as well as our now 4 grandchildren (his three and my one).  Another dream fulfilled, whom God blessed us with,  we are still working on the home part of “our” dream.Forgotten-Dreams-How-God-Fulfilled-My-Hearts-Desire
In the last several years, since selling my home that I occupied with my first husband, I have been in limbo for a place to call “mine” again.  Sometimes my heart aches for a home of my own.  And I find myself “waiting” yet again….but I have seen how God has fulfilled many of my dreams in the last year and I am sure he is picking out the perfect house for me to make this dream worth waiting for.  God has blessed me in so many ways.  Today I am grateful for all he has done for me and given to me.  How do you “wait” on God when it seems to be moving so slow?   How do you deal with this? Please feel free to share your experience and your help tip.

2 Timothy 1:7“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

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1 comment:

~Pam~ said...

Hi Cindy,
Bless you sweet friend for sharing your heart. I pray God's best for you and your hubby.